Kangaroo by Kirsty (Round 2)

Tofu is made by coagulating soy milk and pressing the resulting CURDS.

I’m not even going to go into the chemical chaos that is coagulation but suffice to say the soy milk can be made by doing stuff to soy BEANS, or you can go ahead and use, more commonly, mass produced soy milk, which also comes from beans. Like the shit you get on the shelf at Tesco. Yeah, that shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I like soy milk. I like it in my porridge. But let’s not pretend that it can turn into something worthy of winning this competition.

By the way, did you see that word beans? Yeah. NOT. A. MEAT. Straight from the lips of the Tofu Defender himself.

Also straight from the lips of the Tofu Defender is the fact that it wields awesomely brutal power.

I beg to differ.

According to the theory, soy is "feminising", and, if you’re a bloke, commonly leads to a decrease in the size of your knob as well as sexual confusion. If true, brutal yes, awesome no. Trust me. Not that I’ve got a knob, but I feel for them. Sometimes.

Remember how healthy kangaroo meat is?

Remember how it has one of the lowest saturated fat contents of any meat, and is high in zinc, iron and other minerals? Remember how a diet high in kangaroo meat can reduce serum cholesterol levels, reduce risk factors which cause a predisposition to cardiovascular disease and reverse metabolic factors associated with the development of late onset diabetes? No, I didn’t either, but god it sounds good the second time round.

Particularly when you’re aware of the fact that there’s scientific evidence that the oestrogen in soy products like tofu may be boosting the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. One study says new cases recently jumped 27%. In ONE YEAR. That’s not funny.

There's also a serious connection between soy and cancer in adults – especially breast cancer. Which is why the governments of the UK, France and New Zealand to name a few are cracking down hard on soy products. LIKE TOFU.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant. For the love of god, tofu is NOT a meat. Voting for tofu would mean voting against meat, which, on this site, seems a little odd to say the least…..

Vote for kangaroo meat, the ultimate meat.

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Comments

[Team Diskin]

Pity poor the hapless drawer of the tofu short straw. Never in the history of gastronomy has a food group been as maligned as tofu. And quite rightly so. Tofu is hideous and anything that can be cut in half by a blunt chopstick probably isn't meat and if it is, you've really got to ask yourself, under what involuntary circumstances are you being forced to think it is.

Sydney.

[Angus Whines]

Excellent point Disko, thank you for your support!

[Grayheme]

There is a simple test for meat: if it had a soul, then it is meat. Tofu does not have any type of soul, it doesn't even have rhythm...

[Kirsty]

Too true Grayheme. I think.

[China White]

Your argument seems to jump around a bit, but kangaroos are like that! :-) Toufu is not a meat, or even a decent meat-substitute, blarrgh! In Oz it was called "TVP" textured vegetable protein, what a mess! Good on ya, I voted kangaroo too!

[Angus Whines]

Bless you, thanks. Keep up the support...