Date: Thursday, 21 September, 2006
Subject: Carnivore Field Report; New World Division
Correspondent: Field-marshal Zeev McMediumrare
Location: University of Chicago, Department of History
Event: Graduate Welcome Reception
Dish: Medium-thin fillets of roast beef, lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, and rosemary. Horseradish sauce and stone-ground mustard available on the side. Small rolls inconveniently located at opposite end of table, for sandwich jury-rigging.
Review: An otherwise forgettable catered event, which primarily featured Goose Island beer and awkward conversation was, much like Bilbo's egg, "with golden treasure inside hid." Tucked primly away between trays of cheese-squares (bland), fruit (unripe), and vegetables (vegetables) was an astonishingly tasty tray of rare roast beef. I, a poor and hungry grad student, showed up at the event early to find that the more eccentric and/or elderly faculty had already discovered the meat-tray, and were greedily heaping their insufficiently-sized cocktail plates with flesh and horseradish sauce (the mustard was noticeably less popular) while surreptitiously shooting evil glances at each other. I grabbed a plate and elbowed my way through the melee, and was fortunate enough to land two of the last bits of beef. The elderly/eccentric faculty were not acting beyond the bounds of reason; the beef was delicious. By the time the first-year grads showed up (ostensibly the people for whom the function was being held), the meat was gone.
There remained, however, plenty of cheese-squares.
I write specifically because catered events often feature roast beef; it's easy to make and popular amongst the glutonous masses. But it's rarely cooked so well, or flavored as delicately and lovingly as this. This next sentence is so important it deserves italics: I can't remember having ever eaten a better catered roast beef. To the U of C's History Department, I can only say: well played. Well played, indeed.
-Z
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